What Happens Tomorrow

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and hit the snooze button. In the next 10 minutes, I will do so again and finally, open my eyes. ‘’Today, it is’’ I will say. I’d grab my backpack, bite on my granola bar while tying my shoelaces, run downstairs, and feed Nugget with her 2-dollar dog biscuits. When the door swings open, I’ll sprint as fast as I can.

The wind will be on my shoulders, caving into the back of my neck. I will run into puddles and splashes of water will soak up the bottoms of my jeans. It will be cold and moist.

Tomorrow, I will meet you on the train station and you’ll be waiting for me in your black, over-sized sweater. My hair will dangle everywhere and my sweat marathons down the nape of my neck and through my shirt. In which, I will wipe them away hurriedly and carefully.

People sitting across, people running through. The lady announces the train’s departure. The blind man continues to strum his guitar.

Tomorrow, you will talk to me. While I catch my breath, my heart pounds a million times than it ever did until last year’s phonecall. You’ll continue to tell me stories and gossips. I’ll continue to listen.

The train will be packed. With I, silent. And you, indifferent.

Tomorrow, we’ll arrive to where we’re supposed to go. You’ll lead the way. I’ll follow. I might get a few scratches here and there, but the pain don’t feel as much, no more. You’ll rest your bag under the sicamore tree and say ‘We’re finally here.’

The birds will sing. While the time is ticking.

Tomorrow, I’ll ask you if you still think about her. ‘Her?’ you’ll say. ‘Whoever,’ I’ll reply.

Tomorrow, you’ll think. About her. About me. About whoever.

Tomorrow, I’ll know. You’ll know. But we’ll never say a thing.


The One You Will Love

I have never believed in ‘The One’ and meet the be-all-and-all and fall in love. ‘The One’ will not be kicking pebbles on your window, bring you soup when you’re sick nor kiss you in the rain because the perception of ‘The One’ is constantly being distorted by romcom movies, nagging love songs and Nicholas Sparks’ novels. But here’s what I know:

You will find the one.

The one who will wait 3 days after the date to call, because of some stupid rule of attraction. He will think this is stupid but does it anyway. He’ll be the one to send out a friend request on Facebook. He will ‘like’ a photo of yours and that will be the end of his ‘internet existence’ on your profile. The one who will wait a few minutes to text back to ensure ‘he is not that into you.’

You will find the one.

The one who’s not the Prince Charming (if he is, you’re lucky) of some castle, but rather a king of his own principles. He knows where he stands, what he believes in and what he wants. However, he doesn’t expect you to be of the same thinking. And with this, there will be arguments. Lots and lots of arguments.

You will find the one.

The one in the same jeans everyday and rotates his shirts every week, hoping you don’t notice (but you do). He won’t be too bothered by what everyone else thinks but rather if he is giving them to think about. The one who will pick his nose, fart and talk about his poo with you. The one who will be all gross and nasty.

You will find the one.

The one at the end of your bed, tapping with pencils on a make-up beat while you change for dinner. He’s going to complain of how much time you’re wasting. He’s going to get frustrated when his food isn’t served fast enough. But you’ll be holding his hand hoping to calm his down.

You will find the one.

The one who picks at your flaws, laughs at them and screams when you punch them. He’ll draw out every curve and bumps you have. You’ll listen and see how after every imperfection he kisses them softly. The one who will not hold your hands for too long because they get sweaty and yucky.

You will find the one.

The one who will constantly interrupt every important thing you have going on. He will be the one to spill your coffee mug on the artwork you’ve been working on for months. He will be the one to distract you on your paper works because he wanted you to watch the scene where something cool is supposedly to happen.

You will find the one.

The one who won’t put the toilet seat back down, or take the trash out. The one that could lay in bed with beer and sports channel all week. The one that would prefer to unsocialize because he’s hooked in his online game. The one that would almost not kiss you goodnight because he’s too drained from the game earlier.

But you know what? You will still love him, and you will find him.


*Originally posted at Medium

Life’s Little List of To Do

Long before, I have avoided creating plans for my future. Of the endeavors I’m about to take part in, it is of my great intent to accept them in a come-what-may situation — be it of great or worse.

But to have something to think about for when I’m unoccupied is not a crime. Here is a list of the few little things I would want to soon do. Although it may be too ‘dreamy’ or, for the lack of better term, ‘stupid’, these are the things I WANT and with that, you can’t have a say on this.

  1. Travel the world. Or at least half of it — I have always had an adventurous spirit and climbing trees has always been my favorite pastime when I was much younger. To travel, by foot or flight, will give me a sense of
  2. Own a little farm — In a farm with a little, wooden house, a few trees and countable animals, is where I would build a home and a future.
  3. See different suns in each waking day
  4. Find love — He’ll be the person I’d share my stories to even the ones I refuse to tell.
  5. Create tight bonds — To take down the walls I build between myself and other people. To trust again. To never doubt again. To remind myself that there are people willing enough to take the seas for you.
  6. Create lasting memories — To always remember that on your deathbed you wont be looking back at on time you got really low on your paycheck or that night you stayed in bed drinking copious amounts of coke. Have a flashback that’s worth a ‘‘Created by Vince Gilligan’’ at the end.
  7. Make happiness a constant thing — Although sacrifices may have to be done from time to time, do things that makes you sip your coffee at peace. Don’t do things where you will have to say anything to help you sleep at night. Because life is the only thing you got, might as well make it good.

*Originally published at Medium 

Little Reminders for Every Human Being on 2014

It’s that time of the year again. We rearrange, change and scratch things off our New Year’s Resolution list. We get another take to make this year a better one. We forgive, we reconcile, we open our hearts again. We clean up the messes we made – the ones in our kitchen counter, on our bedroom floor, in someone’s life or in one’s heart. We, once again, start off in a clean slate. In short, we’re on the Do-over part.

Below is a list for when we stick the keys back into the ignition and starting up all over again.

  1. Be healthy, not because it’s trendy but because it’s good for you
  2. When we try to kick someone’s ass, sometimes we end up hurting ours
  3. Listening is not hearing
  4. At the end of the game, the Pawn and the King goes on the same box
  5. Trust is fragile, don’t let it slip away for something temporary
  6. Emotions does not make you weak
  7. It’s better to be embarrassed for a day than to live in regret
  8. Getting old is not an excuse to not do what you want to do
  9. To truly live, you must at least do something you really love but no one truly agrees with
  10. Just because it’s broken doesn’t mean it’s useless
  11. Family, at the end of the day, are the only ones that ever had your back
  12. Bad things come to teach you the difference between the good ones
  13. Go for things that make you uncomfortable because only until then can you grow
  14. If you don’t stop touching it, it could never heal
  15. You hold the roots of your happiness, learn to let it grow and harvest
  16. Dreams should initially be lived not in moments, but in a lifetime
  17. The sunset comes to remind us that what was in the light could be dawned upon
  18. The sunrise tells us that while it’s dark for now, the better days are coming

Happy New Year, Little Earthlings

When You Fall in Love With a Stranger

It’s summer when you take a stroll in the park, grab coffee in a local bistro café, borrow a book at the public library or wait for a cab to take you home at 4am. In a fateful turn of events, you accidentally bump, spill coffee or recklessly stumble into this guy with either slick dark blonde hair, messy waves or a clean-cut. You say sorry and look up but he’s already on his feet, catching you – in whatever way.

He starts up the conversation, asking if you’re okay and following up with an introduction of himself. He might ask you out for a coffee, dinner or take you around the city. You’re gonna talk for hours on hours end. By midnight, he’s on your front porch kissing you goodnight for the very first time, but definitely not the last.

You’re gonna go on another date. He’s gonna talk about his first grade crush, how he wet his jeans at 12 and how he got into a fight during his prom. He’ll say he’s a varsity in his high school but leaves out the part that he never got in the first line, and you’ll stare at him in awe. You go on more dates and get to know each other even more.

You give him a mixtape of your favorite songs. Half sharing your heart out. You’ll move into his pace, making sure you’re on the same page. You give little signs but he wont pick it up so easily. But it doesn’t matter because the way he hugs behind you or holds your waist, all the intuitions washes away.

As the plot progresses, he becomes your everything. His limbs become yours, after nights of hugs and warm cuddles. You talk with feelings under your breath. Your heart becomes his. Though you’re not too sure his heart is yours. But you lie to yourself anyway.

You act like you’ve already known him your whole life, but no you don’t. He forms a fiction out of your biography, giving little twists and rainbows on your plot. He immortalize your fantasies of love, happy endings and even unicorns and pot of golds.

When you fall in love with a stranger, you assume you know the beginning and ending and everything in between. Because with this stranger, you’re sure. You’re sure how it started and how it will end. You’re sure he’s going to fall just as madly in love with you. You’re sure his scent is printed on your sheets. You’re sure you’re not digging a puzzle out of a jukebox, because he’s that predictable. Love, you thought, is that predictable. You’re sure.

But in the end of it all, like how everything should be, he’s still a stranger and you’re.. well, you.


He leans for a zest of her sweetness that surrounds her. She smells of nectar and honey tea his mom used to make when he cant sleep at night. He observes how she flinches when he got too close. His breath on her shoulders, her heart on her knees. She pauses. ‘Getting scared again?’ He whispers. Her body moves an inch away. She could do this all again. She could do the only thing she’s most sure of. She could do what she has always done. She could run. “Coward.” He says.

Where I Lost Me

I lost myself between the heavy lines of traffic and the song playing on the radio. The rain triggered me to pull away from myself and everything else around. In the middle of the stop light and the go signal, where I am challenged to go deeper into something else.

In the meadows of what if’s and what is’. In the clear blue skies where the sunlight burns the ends of my soul.

At the gate of holiness where faith and truth lies clear. At the books where I am taught to imagine and that everything I can think of is real. At the pages of the manuscript that digs deep in my bones only to succumb the realness of reality. On the printed images on paper where perception is distorted and blurred away.

On the make-shift of humanity. By the exchange of glances between the stranger and I. Between the shared advice of myself and an acquaintance. On the sobs of my friends of pain and heartbreak. On the diluted pupils of my loved ones where I vowed to never love and promise at the same time. Along the walls that I surround me.

I lost myself in truth, in love, in hope. And that’s where I also found me.


Move On and Be Happy, For God’s Sake

Tonight I sat on my bed completely disappointed and depressed with everything that has happened today and the last few weeks. There’s this school thing and family thing. I sat and sobbed. There were piles of worksheets to do, clearance to be signed, tons of notes to study and a whole lot of thought and truth to think over. So I just sat and sobbed. I don’t do that often (maybe I do but I’m never gonna tell you) and I was completely enthralled with myself. This is not me. This is not the version of Katrina I have inhabited for almost 19 years. This is Katrina Version 2.whatever.the.fuck.is.wrong.with.you. The downgraded version. The completely-altered version of me. Ew. 

And so I thought, why do we think it’s better to dwell in the past than live for the moment? When did we realize how ‘cute’ and ‘trendy’ tweeting sad/love quotes? Why is it so much easier to self-pity? Why is it such a fantasy to have someone pick us up from where we left our shit to waddle around? Why does it seem like a good idea to cry over things and cuss and not do anything about it? Why can’t we all just move on and be happy? Seriously.

Pick yourself up from where you broke down and build your own shit. Don’t wait for others to come and do it for you. They’re too busy building theirs. Stop posting rants on Facebook on how sad and depressed and lonely you are. It makes us want to cuddle you with a chainsaw in an electric chair. Stop going around asking for advice when all you want to do is cover your ears and listen to yourself. Don’t even think about telling us your problems 1000x. We’ve already told you how to fix it, now get your ass working. 

Happiness is what you choose to remember.

Get a drink, grab some pizza. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Live. That’s what you should be doing and not digging your story into someone else’s.  

Fix your shit, move on and be happy, for God’s sake.

On Moving

Sometimes, it scares me how badly I just want to drop everything and leave. Like I could just walk out one day with a one way ticket. No money, no responsibilities, no goodbyes.

Maybe I’m too sick of the people, meeting, if not doubles, multiples of them. They’re all the same fillings but in different cases.

I’m sick of living up to something I have not voluntarily plant myself into. No, i’m not somebody’s daughter or someone’s friend, I have a name – use it.

Maybe a little bit choked up on how people treat people. It’s an old cycle of rumor, gossip and drama. This is not Hollywood, people.

Maybe a quite bit of adventure would be nice. Getting lost in the city, meeting locals, drinking a glass of a native beer and having a great time. Is that really too much to ask for?

It’s scary how, without a doubt, I want to get away and start over. And I guess, when that time comes and if I ever get too far, I wouldn’t even care what’s left.

19 Beautiful, Little Things

  1. Satisfying your cravings
  2. Laying in bed after a tiring day
  3. Rain, on my hair, on my sleeves, on my porch
  4. Pizza
  5. Listening to a song you used to like
  6. Hanging out with friends you haven’t seen in a while and picking right back up from where you left
  7. Long talks
  8. Post cards/ Letters/ Notes
  9. Waking up to someone you love
  10. Getting a good feedback from something you worked hard for
  11. Making someone smile
  12. Cold drinks on a really hot day
  13. Sincere and honest ”I miss you”
  14. Checking something off your Bucket List
  15. Having someone to listen at whatever you have to say, no matter how stupid
  16. Doing something for the first time
  17. Flowers
  18. Long, tight hugs
  19. Serendipity