Little Reminders for Every Human Being on 2014

It’s that time of the year again. We rearrange, change and scratch things off our New Year’s Resolution list. We get another take to make this year a better one. We forgive, we reconcile, we open our hearts again. We clean up the messes we made – the ones in our kitchen counter, on our bedroom floor, in someone’s life or in one’s heart. We, once again, start off in a clean slate. In short, we’re on the Do-over part.

Below is a list for when we stick the keys back into the ignition and starting up all over again.

  1. Be healthy, not because it’s trendy but because it’s good for you
  2. When we try to kick someone’s ass, sometimes we end up hurting ours
  3. Listening is not hearing
  4. At the end of the game, the Pawn and the King goes on the same box
  5. Trust is fragile, don’t let it slip away for something temporary
  6. Emotions does not make you weak
  7. It’s better to be embarrassed for a day than to live in regret
  8. Getting old is not an excuse to not do what you want to do
  9. To truly live, you must at least do something you really love but no one truly agrees with
  10. Just because it’s broken doesn’t mean it’s useless
  11. Family, at the end of the day, are the only ones that ever had your back
  12. Bad things come to teach you the difference between the good ones
  13. Go for things that make you uncomfortable because only until then can you grow
  14. If you don’t stop touching it, it could never heal
  15. You hold the roots of your happiness, learn to let it grow and harvest
  16. Dreams should initially be lived not in moments, but in a lifetime
  17. The sunset comes to remind us that what was in the light could be dawned upon
  18. The sunrise tells us that while it’s dark for now, the better days are coming

Happy New Year, Little Earthlings

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When You Fall in Love With a Stranger

It’s summer when you take a stroll in the park, grab coffee in a local bistro café, borrow a book at the public library or wait for a cab to take you home at 4am. In a fateful turn of events, you accidentally bump, spill coffee or recklessly stumble into this guy with either slick dark blonde hair, messy waves or a clean-cut. You say sorry and look up but he’s already on his feet, catching you – in whatever way.

He starts up the conversation, asking if you’re okay and following up with an introduction of himself. He might ask you out for a coffee, dinner or take you around the city. You’re gonna talk for hours on hours end. By midnight, he’s on your front porch kissing you goodnight for the very first time, but definitely not the last.

You’re gonna go on another date. He’s gonna talk about his first grade crush, how he wet his jeans at 12 and how he got into a fight during his prom. He’ll say he’s a varsity in his high school but leaves out the part that he never got in the first line, and you’ll stare at him in awe. You go on more dates and get to know each other even more.

You give him a mixtape of your favorite songs. Half sharing your heart out. You’ll move into his pace, making sure you’re on the same page. You give little signs but he wont pick it up so easily. But it doesn’t matter because the way he hugs behind you or holds your waist, all the intuitions washes away.

As the plot progresses, he becomes your everything. His limbs become yours, after nights of hugs and warm cuddles. You talk with feelings under your breath. Your heart becomes his. Though you’re not too sure his heart is yours. But you lie to yourself anyway.

You act like you’ve already known him your whole life, but no you don’t. He forms a fiction out of your biography, giving little twists and rainbows on your plot. He immortalize your fantasies of love, happy endings and even unicorns and pot of golds.

When you fall in love with a stranger, you assume you know the beginning and ending and everything in between. Because with this stranger, you’re sure. You’re sure how it started and how it will end. You’re sure he’s going to fall just as madly in love with you. You’re sure his scent is printed on your sheets. You’re sure you’re not digging a puzzle out of a jukebox, because he’s that predictable. Love, you thought, is that predictable. You’re sure.

But in the end of it all, like how everything should be, he’s still a stranger and you’re.. well, you.

3:19am

He leans for a zest of her sweetness that surrounds her. She smells of nectar and honey tea his mom used to make when he cant sleep at night. He observes how she flinches when he got too close. His breath on her shoulders, her heart on her knees. She pauses. ‘Getting scared again?’ He whispers. Her body moves an inch away. She could do this all again. She could do the only thing she’s most sure of. She could do what she has always done. She could run. “Coward.” He says.

Where I Lost Me

I lost myself between the heavy lines of traffic and the song playing on the radio. The rain triggered me to pull away from myself and everything else around. In the middle of the stop light and the go signal, where I am challenged to go deeper into something else.

In the meadows of what if’s and what is’. In the clear blue skies where the sunlight burns the ends of my soul.

At the gate of holiness where faith and truth lies clear. At the books where I am taught to imagine and that everything I can think of is real. At the pages of the manuscript that digs deep in my bones only to succumb the realness of reality. On the printed images on paper where perception is distorted and blurred away.

On the make-shift of humanity. By the exchange of glances between the stranger and I. Between the shared advice of myself and an acquaintance. On the sobs of my friends of pain and heartbreak. On the diluted pupils of my loved ones where I vowed to never love and promise at the same time. Along the walls that I surround me.

I lost myself in truth, in love, in hope. And that’s where I also found me.

 

Move On and Be Happy, For God’s Sake

Tonight I sat on my bed completely disappointed and depressed with everything that has happened today and the last few weeks. There’s this school thing and family thing. I sat and sobbed. There were piles of worksheets to do, clearance to be signed, tons of notes to study and a whole lot of thought and truth to think over. So I just sat and sobbed. I don’t do that often (maybe I do but I’m never gonna tell you) and I was completely enthralled with myself. This is not me. This is not the version of Katrina I have inhabited for almost 19 years. This is Katrina Version 2.whatever.the.fuck.is.wrong.with.you. The downgraded version. The completely-altered version of me. Ew. 

And so I thought, why do we think it’s better to dwell in the past than live for the moment? When did we realize how ‘cute’ and ‘trendy’ tweeting sad/love quotes? Why is it so much easier to self-pity? Why is it such a fantasy to have someone pick us up from where we left our shit to waddle around? Why does it seem like a good idea to cry over things and cuss and not do anything about it? Why can’t we all just move on and be happy? Seriously.

Pick yourself up from where you broke down and build your own shit. Don’t wait for others to come and do it for you. They’re too busy building theirs. Stop posting rants on Facebook on how sad and depressed and lonely you are. It makes us want to cuddle you with a chainsaw in an electric chair. Stop going around asking for advice when all you want to do is cover your ears and listen to yourself. Don’t even think about telling us your problems 1000x. We’ve already told you how to fix it, now get your ass working. 

Happiness is what you choose to remember.

Get a drink, grab some pizza. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Live. That’s what you should be doing and not digging your story into someone else’s.  

Fix your shit, move on and be happy, for God’s sake.

On Moving

Sometimes, it scares me how badly I just want to drop everything and leave. Like I could just walk out one day with a one way ticket. No money, no responsibilities, no goodbyes.

Maybe I’m too sick of the people, meeting, if not doubles, multiples of them. They’re all the same fillings but in different cases.

I’m sick of living up to something I have not voluntarily plant myself into. No, i’m not somebody’s daughter or someone’s friend, I have a name – use it.

Maybe a little bit choked up on how people treat people. It’s an old cycle of rumor, gossip and drama. This is not Hollywood, people.

Maybe a quite bit of adventure would be nice. Getting lost in the city, meeting locals, drinking a glass of a native beer and having a great time. Is that really too much to ask for?

It’s scary how, without a doubt, I want to get away and start over. And I guess, when that time comes and if I ever get too far, I wouldn’t even care what’s left.

19 Beautiful, Little Things

  1. Satisfying your cravings
  2. Laying in bed after a tiring day
  3. Rain, on my hair, on my sleeves, on my porch
  4. Pizza
  5. Listening to a song you used to like
  6. Hanging out with friends you haven’t seen in a while and picking right back up from where you left
  7. Long talks
  8. Post cards/ Letters/ Notes
  9. Waking up to someone you love
  10. Getting a good feedback from something you worked hard for
  11. Making someone smile
  12. Cold drinks on a really hot day
  13. Sincere and honest ”I miss you”
  14. Checking something off your Bucket List
  15. Having someone to listen at whatever you have to say, no matter how stupid
  16. Doing something for the first time
  17. Flowers
  18. Long, tight hugs
  19. Serendipity

Live Simple

Wake up at whatever time you want to. It may still be dark outside or it could be in the middle of the day. Don’t worry about responsibilities. They wouldn’t matter in a year. Brew your coffee or tea, whichever you want. While waiting, take a hot shower. Shampoo your hair, scrub every part of your body and rinse. Get out of the shower and dry yourself.

Drink your now-cool beverage and toast some bread. Cook eggs and bacon. Eat. Eat a lot, eat a little. Eat until you’re satisfied. Don’t be too stressed out when you can’t finish your meal, you can save it for later.

Take a walk outside. Bring umbrella for when rain pours down. Stop to smell flowers. Pick out your favorite from the bush and give it to someone. Stranger or a friend, it would make their day. Sit in a park, sidewalk or café. Read a book. Watch people catch and miss the bus for work. Trace the curves on their forehead and try to figure out who they are as a person, daughter, lover or a husband.

Call a friend, family or a lover. Listen to their stories. Listen to how their day is going. Listen to their sighs. Tell them how you are, if they ask. Tell them whatever you want to. Tell them how you feel and hang up.

Bring out the best in people. Tell them how good she looks like in that chiffon skirt. Compliment on how well you thought the painting on his journal was. Pick out your favorite memory you’ve shared with someone and tell him. Kiss his cheek. Smile with your eyes. Walk away when they’re not treating you how you want to.

Let people see your emotions. Don’t hide them all away and bottle it up for personal security. Cry when you want to. Laugh when you should. Cuss when you’re frustrated. Chew on your nails when you’re nervous.

Take the bus home. Watch teens carelessly fall ‘in love’ in subways. Give out a few cents to the blind man with a guitar. Walk out and go home. Cook dinner. Drink wine. Shower and brush your teeth. Lay in bed. Think until you’re not thinking anymore. Rest.

On Change

For the most part, I’d say I dig change. But that’s me being biased because I’m a Sagittarius and I am astronomically aligned and born into liking it.  But sometimes, I can be a real liar. I hate change. There’s no denying on that.

I hate changing my route home because I’d have to pick up something after school. I hate moving to a different classroom because changing classrooms does not really affect my  learning. I’d most likely just nod and nod and leave the classroom with 0% increase in intellectual capabilities. I hate taking of my chipped nail polish and putting the same color on again. I hate having to change my sheets because they’re in their dirtiest state which basically means, it’s when they’re the most comfortable in.

As much as I hate to quote whoever said ‘The only thing that’s constant in life is change’ I don’t have any choice but to agree with it. And maybe just cuss over it.

There will come a point in your life where you want to change. Maybe it isn’t now, but it will come. Being stuck on the same loop over and over again gets really boring, don’t you think?

Napoleon won hundreds of battles doing the same ‘powerful’ and ‘glorious’ technique, until he introduced a new strategy for the fallen Battle of Waterloo. If Napoleon did not change up the plan and mess with it, they could have conquered the whole world. Now, where’s the fun in that?

Learn from Napoleon and take risks. Because the only way you can learn is to fail – and maybe read books and listen to your professor. But that’s a different story.

On Phones and Conversations

At 6, I had a phone pal. You know back when people still use the telephone to ask how your day was and not read through their smileys? His number wasn’t exactly in a paper anymore because it was already in my subconscious. I pick up a phone and from the weeks of practice, I dial his number without a glitch. At 6, I made a techie friendship of someone whose age is in his digits, 15.

Silly though, I called every time I see a phone. Ours or not. Theirs or mine. You can call me clingy at 6, I guess not to the person himself but rather to the home phone machinery itself. I mean, how awesome it could be to have one day, with the touch of your fingers and a combination of digits, be able to hear a person’s voice and not get a notification of a mental make-up of his voice instead.

I was too young to remember how long it lasted and how it went away. But I remember his grandma picking up the phone one day and furious to hear a girl’s voice on the other side. Then I said it was just me. She probably rolled her eyes by then and asked him to come down after.

Every time I pick up the phone, I can almost hear his excitement through the phone lines and if it would have been possible, breathe in his sadness. I ask him what he was doing and then he proceed to tell me what happened that day. Then he asks me what I was doing and I tell him the same. Well, it was that kind of phone ‘relationship’.

It was great to have someone I could talk to whenever I wanted to. The tone rings and somehow, he is always in the other line, waiting. I don’t know what for, maybe for a really cool story of a pebble I found at the beach that day or how my classmate ‘bullied’ me in school day. It was nice. To just have someone to talk to.

You see, it was exactly the friendship I needed most at this time of my life. I don’t really need someone to buy me chocolates or bring me flowers. Not even someone to hold hands with and share a glorious kiss in the rain. Maybe I just want it simple, I just want someone to ask how my day went and actually listen to me stumble my words. But it’s hard to have someone in that sense at this age though, they always want something more. Something they all think I could just give away easily.

Honestly, I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. Probably, this post will wind up in my drafts with the all the other ‘not good enough’ posts that will soon be pushed into the trash box. But you know what, for a change, like what I’m trying to have in my life right now, I’m publishing this.