To Dad: A Letter

There were times when I never get to thank you for the little things. But mostly, I always forget to thank you for the big things. And as I write this letter for you, remember to always always ALWAYS buy me watermelon for dinner.

As a seafarer, it must have been hard to not see your girls grew to be as they are now, and even harder to imagine that one is nearing the end of college! But as to not feel like you’ve left out a huge part in their lives, all I can tell you is this: You did not miss out on us. We lived like any other young girls did. We went into kindergarten at 4 and to college at 16. On our 18 birthdays, we gathered around for an intimate dinner party. On Christmas, we had the usual. You know the stories.

But as years passed, while you’re away sailing into wherever and us getting crushes over Hollywood boys, you never failed to offer what you can. If not, even more than you can. You have always been our rock, the one to run into when we look for shelter. You’re strong enough to hold us into your arms, no matter what the situation comes. Thank you.

Thank you dad for all the things you’ve done right for the family. We never give you enough credit for what you do, but we love you. So here, for all the thank you’s I’ve missed, the guidance you’ve given, the support you’ve provided, the love you were never too selfish to share and for the sacrifices made for us, thank you. 

Happy father’s day, my captain! I’m always proud of you.

 

The Paradox of You and I

There’s beauty in us. The way we can say a lot by not saying anything, how we can never deliver what we truly feel nor imply the complications of what must come. As we lay side by side, our bodies are impalpable by all the natural senses and it is both irrational and well-grounded to think of us as one. I can feel your chest when I lay close to it, but never the words lurking around and in it. I see the veins in your arms and up through your temples but unable to find the energy that runs with it. You can look too long through my eyes, but not too long enough to see the soul within. If we stare, touch and feel a little more, would we be able to? At times it is baffling and a blur and yet I continue to see the different versions of ‘what if’s’ for the both of us awaiting to be discovered and lived. The negativity surrounding itself is, however, overriding the possibilities of happy ending, but so what? I am intensely imaginative and have compelled myself to believe that what can never be, may be. No matter the odds written for us by the gods, we have all the power in the world to create what must be created for our own. And whether that is grounding, terrifying or momentary, I don’t know.

All I know is there is beauty in our nothing.

What Happens Tomorrow

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and hit the snooze button. In the next 10 minutes, I will do so again and finally, open my eyes. ‘’Today, it is’’ I will say. I’d grab my backpack, bite on my granola bar while tying my shoelaces, run downstairs, and feed Nugget with her 2-dollar dog biscuits. When the door swings open, I’ll sprint as fast as I can.

The wind will be on my shoulders, caving into the back of my neck. I will run into puddles and splashes of water will soak up the bottoms of my jeans. It will be cold and moist.

Tomorrow, I will meet you on the train station and you’ll be waiting for me in your black, over-sized sweater. My hair will dangle everywhere and my sweat marathons down the nape of my neck and through my shirt. In which, I will wipe them away hurriedly and carefully.

People sitting across, people running through. The lady announces the train’s departure. The blind man continues to strum his guitar.

Tomorrow, you will talk to me. While I catch my breath, my heart pounds a million times than it ever did until last year’s phonecall. You’ll continue to tell me stories and gossips. I’ll continue to listen.

The train will be packed. With I, silent. And you, indifferent.

Tomorrow, we’ll arrive to where we’re supposed to go. You’ll lead the way. I’ll follow. I might get a few scratches here and there, but the pain don’t feel as much, no more. You’ll rest your bag under the sicamore tree and say ‘We’re finally here.’

The birds will sing. While the time is ticking.

Tomorrow, I’ll ask you if you still think about her. ‘Her?’ you’ll say. ‘Whoever,’ I’ll reply.

Tomorrow, you’ll think. About her. About me. About whoever.

Tomorrow, I’ll know. You’ll know. But we’ll never say a thing.

The One You Will Love

I have never believed in ‘The One’ and meet the be-all-and-all and fall in love. ‘The One’ will not be kicking pebbles on your window, bring you soup when you’re sick nor kiss you in the rain because the perception of ‘The One’ is constantly being distorted by romcom movies, nagging love songs and Nicholas Sparks’ novels. But here’s what I know:

You will find the one.

The one who will wait 3 days after the date to call, because of some stupid rule of attraction. He will think this is stupid but does it anyway. He’ll be the one to send out a friend request on Facebook. He will ‘like’ a photo of yours and that will be the end of his ‘internet existence’ on your profile. The one who will wait a few minutes to text back to ensure ‘he is not that into you.’

You will find the one.

The one who’s not the Prince Charming (if he is, you’re lucky) of some castle, but rather a king of his own principles. He knows where he stands, what he believes in and what he wants. However, he doesn’t expect you to be of the same thinking. And with this, there will be arguments. Lots and lots of arguments.

You will find the one.

The one in the same jeans everyday and rotates his shirts every week, hoping you don’t notice (but you do). He won’t be too bothered by what everyone else thinks but rather if he is giving them to think about. The one who will pick his nose, fart and talk about his poo with you. The one who will be all gross and nasty.

You will find the one.

The one at the end of your bed, tapping with pencils on a make-up beat while you change for dinner. He’s going to complain of how much time you’re wasting. He’s going to get frustrated when his food isn’t served fast enough. But you’ll be holding his hand hoping to calm his down.

You will find the one.

The one who picks at your flaws, laughs at them and screams when you punch them. He’ll draw out every curve and bumps you have. You’ll listen and see how after every imperfection he kisses them softly. The one who will not hold your hands for too long because they get sweaty and yucky.

You will find the one.

The one who will constantly interrupt every important thing you have going on. He will be the one to spill your coffee mug on the artwork you’ve been working on for months. He will be the one to distract you on your paper works because he wanted you to watch the scene where something cool is supposedly to happen.

You will find the one.

The one who won’t put the toilet seat back down, or take the trash out. The one that could lay in bed with beer and sports channel all week. The one that would prefer to unsocialize because he’s hooked in his online game. The one that would almost not kiss you goodnight because he’s too drained from the game earlier.

But you know what? You will still love him, and you will find him.

 

*Originally posted at Medium

Life’s Little List of To Do

Long before, I have avoided creating plans for my future. Of the endeavors I’m about to take part in, it is of my great intent to accept them in a come-what-may situation — be it of great or worse.

But to have something to think about for when I’m unoccupied is not a crime. Here is a list of the few little things I would want to soon do. Although it may be too ‘dreamy’ or, for the lack of better term, ‘stupid’, these are the things I WANT and with that, you can’t have a say on this.

  1. Travel the world. Or at least half of it — I have always had an adventurous spirit and climbing trees has always been my favorite pastime when I was much younger. To travel, by foot or flight, will give me a sense of
  2. Own a little farm — In a farm with a little, wooden house, a few trees and countable animals, is where I would build a home and a future.
  3. See different suns in each waking day
  4. Find love — He’ll be the person I’d share my stories to even the ones I refuse to tell.
  5. Create tight bonds — To take down the walls I build between myself and other people. To trust again. To never doubt again. To remind myself that there are people willing enough to take the seas for you.
  6. Create lasting memories — To always remember that on your deathbed you wont be looking back at on time you got really low on your paycheck or that night you stayed in bed drinking copious amounts of coke. Have a flashback that’s worth a ‘‘Created by Vince Gilligan’’ at the end.
  7. Make happiness a constant thing — Although sacrifices may have to be done from time to time, do things that makes you sip your coffee at peace. Don’t do things where you will have to say anything to help you sleep at night. Because life is the only thing you got, might as well make it good.

*Originally published at Medium 

Little Reminders for Every Human Being on 2014

It’s that time of the year again. We rearrange, change and scratch things off our New Year’s Resolution list. We get another take to make this year a better one. We forgive, we reconcile, we open our hearts again. We clean up the messes we made – the ones in our kitchen counter, on our bedroom floor, in someone’s life or in one’s heart. We, once again, start off in a clean slate. In short, we’re on the Do-over part.

Below is a list for when we stick the keys back into the ignition and starting up all over again.

  1. Be healthy, not because it’s trendy but because it’s good for you
  2. When we try to kick someone’s ass, sometimes we end up hurting ours
  3. Listening is not hearing
  4. At the end of the game, the Pawn and the King goes on the same box
  5. Trust is fragile, don’t let it slip away for something temporary
  6. Emotions does not make you weak
  7. It’s better to be embarrassed for a day than to live in regret
  8. Getting old is not an excuse to not do what you want to do
  9. To truly live, you must at least do something you really love but no one truly agrees with
  10. Just because it’s broken doesn’t mean it’s useless
  11. Family, at the end of the day, are the only ones that ever had your back
  12. Bad things come to teach you the difference between the good ones
  13. Go for things that make you uncomfortable because only until then can you grow
  14. If you don’t stop touching it, it could never heal
  15. You hold the roots of your happiness, learn to let it grow and harvest
  16. Dreams should initially be lived not in moments, but in a lifetime
  17. The sunset comes to remind us that what was in the light could be dawned upon
  18. The sunrise tells us that while it’s dark for now, the better days are coming

Happy New Year, Little Earthlings

When You Fall in Love With a Stranger

It’s summer when you take a stroll in the park, grab coffee in a local bistro café, borrow a book at the public library or wait for a cab to take you home at 4am. In a fateful turn of events, you accidentally bump, spill coffee or recklessly stumble into this guy with either slick dark blonde hair, messy waves or a clean-cut. You say sorry and look up but he’s already on his feet, catching you – in whatever way.

He starts up the conversation, asking if you’re okay and following up with an introduction of himself. He might ask you out for a coffee, dinner or take you around the city. You’re gonna talk for hours on hours end. By midnight, he’s on your front porch kissing you goodnight for the very first time, but definitely not the last.

You’re gonna go on another date. He’s gonna talk about his first grade crush, how he wet his jeans at 12 and how he got into a fight during his prom. He’ll say he’s a varsity in his high school but leaves out the part that he never got in the first line, and you’ll stare at him in awe. You go on more dates and get to know each other even more.

You give him a mixtape of your favorite songs. Half sharing your heart out. You’ll move into his pace, making sure you’re on the same page. You give little signs but he wont pick it up so easily. But it doesn’t matter because the way he hugs behind you or holds your waist, all the intuitions washes away.

As the plot progresses, he becomes your everything. His limbs become yours, after nights of hugs and warm cuddles. You talk with feelings under your breath. Your heart becomes his. Though you’re not too sure his heart is yours. But you lie to yourself anyway.

You act like you’ve already known him your whole life, but no you don’t. He forms a fiction out of your biography, giving little twists and rainbows on your plot. He immortalize your fantasies of love, happy endings and even unicorns and pot of golds.

When you fall in love with a stranger, you assume you know the beginning and ending and everything in between. Because with this stranger, you’re sure. You’re sure how it started and how it will end. You’re sure he’s going to fall just as madly in love with you. You’re sure his scent is printed on your sheets. You’re sure you’re not digging a puzzle out of a jukebox, because he’s that predictable. Love, you thought, is that predictable. You’re sure.

But in the end of it all, like how everything should be, he’s still a stranger and you’re.. well, you.