1. You can’t hold a good conversation – If the only thing you talk about is yourself and other people, then I’m sorry it’s not going to work out with me (unless you’re Zac Efron, I could give a consideration). The thing is, most guys I met are way too focused on looking ‘cool’ and having a ‘name’, and they completely forget the fact that I’m dozing off on the dinner table. I don’t want to know how you went para-sailing in Ibiza on the summer of ’06, or how many bottles of Dom Perignon you drank on a Tuesday night or how your dad was featured on Time Magazine for being the 98th richest man in the world. I’ve heard enough crap to last me a lifetime, I don’t need any of yours. How hard can it be to just switch off that ‘impress a girl’ button, talk about ‘normal’ things and actually impress a girl? If a man with intelligence is not sexy, then I don’t know what is.
2. You’re choking me – Let me say this clearly, I can’t be there for you 24/7. I can’t give up my 10-minute break to call you and say I’m having a break and I’m going to this place and this is what happened 5 minutes ago and then answer your call again in 5 minutes. You see, I got more things to do than text/call you every second just to say who I’m with at this very second and where I am. I know you’re ‘concerned’ but give me some time for myself where I can do anything I can without having to remember to reply to your ‘What are you doing’ text every 5 minutes.
3. You’re rude to everyone but me – It’s one thing to hold the door for me and another to diss the waiter for giving you the wrong table when you specially asked the one in the balcony. If you can’t even say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to that waiter, then I’m sorry, you can’t expect me to stay for dessert.
4. You listen to bad music – I didn’t want to put this in because I didn’t want to stereotype (and I’m really not doing so) but it had to be done. If you only listen to overplayed-radio songs and think they are ‘the best in the world’ then I’m sincerely sorry, this thing between us couldn’t happen. I judge people by the music they listen to, not because the songs they listen to tells about who they are but because the music they listen to speaks their mind. If ‘as long as you love me, we could be starving’ seems better to you than ‘Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach, As I want you to be’ then I don’t think we would work out.
5. You’re not funny – You’re smart, charming, really kind and you even listen to Bon Iver, why is there something missing? I mean, you’re perfect! No really, you are! Oh wait, you can’t make me laugh. People, if there’s one thing I want in a man that is for him to make me laugh at all the things I never thought I could and laugh at the things we wish we could (like that 2-century ago breakup). He could be a jerk or a metal-head or even an obsessive stalker, but if he knows the way into my funny bones, he surely gets it. Because, contradicting to that statement I made, nothing is sexier than a man with a sense of humor.